Want More Friends? Write a Story

The interaction between fictional characters in stories can be just as genuine as our relationships in real life.  Stories can be romance, comedy, tragedy, thriller, fantasy, or science fiction. But the relationships between the characters in those stories could happen to any of us at any time.

The same bond between Samwise Gamgee and Frodo could exist between two brothers, where one is a cancer patient eager to visit their dying father on the other side of the country before either of them passes away.  Winnie the Pooh and Piglet could be replaced by an imaginative young girl and her puppy, who are always trying to get into her mother’s cookies, which she keeps hiding around the house because they keep finding them.

What about Harry Potter, Ron, and Hermione?  The three of them could be students at a writing school who confuse reality with fiction.

We might ask: What does a genuine friendship consist of?  And what is needed to build a worthwhile, long-lasting relationship?  Some of the ingredients for true friendship are the following:

• Loyalty

• Respect

• Honesty

• Sacrifice

• Commitment

• Showing care

• Mutual benefit

• Communication

• Common interests

• Time spent together

Any attempted friendship that does not include these elements may not survive long, whether in real life or on the page.

Deep down, we are more similar to each other than we are different.  In any social gathering, people may behave wildly differently from each other—warmly, cliquishly, or apprehensively.  This is because people react differently to their feelings.

If you attend a social event with people you don’t know, and a group of them who seem friendly invite you to sit with them, that experience would be impactful, wouldn't it?

I’ve been to many wedding receptions where I don’t know anyone except for the bride or groom.  What I typically do in such situations is approach a group of people at a table who appear to be ignored and start talking with them as if we were already long-time friends.  It’s easier to do than you may think.  The conversation may go something like this:

I say,

“Hey, what a night this is.  You sure came a long way to be here.”

They respond with,

“Oh, we’re just from [the town up north].

“John [she glances at him] is Kim’s uncle.”

Then I say,

“Wow.  Her favorite uncle.  What an honor.”

They laugh and then ask,

“Are you a relation?”

I respond with,

“I’m Tim’s friend.  But obviously not his best friend—‘cause he’s up there.”

(I point to the line of people speaking with the bride and groom).

They laugh again and say,

“Awww.  Well, you’re welcome to sit with us.”

This approach generally works because people want to be included and feel welcome.  They want to believe they’re interesting.  And people are interesting once you get them to feel accepted.  In fact, I don’t recall ever meeting an uninteresting person.

The dance

My first social event in college was at a dance.  I met a young woman there who was very interesting.  Her name was Linda Brown.  We even went on a walk around the campus that night.  Due to my inexperience with such matters, I didn’t get her phone number because I didn’t want to be forward and assumed I would see her again on campus.

That was not a wise assumption.  After realizing my mistake, I started looking for her between classes every day over the next few weeks.  I would find a young woman who I thought was her, and with a big smile, I would sit next to her and say something like, “Wow, there you are.  I’ve been looking for you.  Remember me?”  Without intending to, I discovered that it was a good way to meet girls.  They seemed to be happy with me until I said something like, “Oh, you weren’t at the freshman orientation dance?”  Then, I’d stand up and apologize, and the girl would invariably say, “Wait, you’re going?”

The point is that people want to be noticed, included, admired, and wanted.

What does this have to do with writing fiction?

Everything. Before you can have your characters form friendships in your stories, you must know how it's done in real life.

Fictional friendships

But fictional friendships have something more than their real-life counterparts.  Fictional Friendships have a third party: the reader.

Have you ever tried to make friends with someone you can’t see, and who cannot communicate back to you?  What a challenging task!  You can never be sure how they feel, whether you’ve caught their attention, or whether you've met their emotional needs.

Yet, that is what every fiction author must do.  When writing your fictional friendships, you must tend to your readers' sensitivities, fears, concerns, and wishes.  Make your readers feel comfortable at your table of outcasts.

Your readers, through powerfully magical means, plead for your characters to respond this way or that.  When characters respond accordingly, a vital two-way bond grows between your readers and characters.

If a character ultimately rejects the readers’ pleas, the readers forge new two-way friendships with other characters.  Maybe the original character will eventually return like the prodigal son to the readers' open arms.  Hearts will be filled, and tears shed.

Isn’t it also often true that parents, teachers, and siblings feel they have almost no influence over their children, students, or other siblings?

While our outermost, intellectual minds can tell the difference between real-life and fictional friends, the deepest parts of our minds cannot.  That is where the gold nuggets of fiction are found.  It is where the powerful magic happens.

Four tips for friendships

If you’re like me, you have a difficult time remembering long lists.   Because I like you so much, I’ve whittled down the content from many dozens of articles on making friendships to four points. 

• Assume people like you.

• Show people that you like them.

• Check in regularly with them.

• Be there when it is important.

“But those are vague ideas,” you say.

Here are some specific ideas to consider:

• Engage in activities that usually involve groups of people, such as sports, clubs, musical groups (bands, orchestras, choirs), and churches.

• Serve with people during charity events, neighborhood events, weddings, and funerals.  Get there early to help set up and leave late to help clean up.

• Observe how people behave and interact with each other.  This isn’t to “be like them,” because it’s just as likely they want to be more like you.  Note the techniques you'd like to try later.

Notice that the above actions are honorable.  Isn’t that wonderful?

While you're thinking about building healthy and constructive friendships, why not write down your thoughts so you don’t have to keep them in your mind. And if you’re going to do that, why not write a story?

Which is harder to do?

Which of the two actions is more difficult:

1. Build a heartfelt, lasting relationship in real life.

2. Describe a heartfelt, lasting relationship in a fictional story. 

You know the answer already.  They are equally challenging.  In case there is still any doubt about the matter (I’m getting exasperated), let me present the following.

Authors must:

• Provide meaningful experiences that foster friendships, as real-life experiences do.

• Show that even though characters may have the same goals, their goals mean different things to them, just as our goals mean different things to us.

• Provide things in common between characters—how we have things in common with our friends.

• Show what keeps our friends together and not go their separate ways—how we seek to keep our friends close to us.

• Show what happens when the friendships between characters get in the way—just how we shouldn’t let our friendships get in each other’s way.

Rental Family

We recently watched the movie Rental Family (2025), starring Brandon Fraser, where a company hires him to act as a parent, friend, or sibling for a period of time.  A grieving widow might hire someone from the company to pretend to be her husband or the father of her children.  There is nothing inherently wrong with this, except that the main character cares too much about his clients and doesn’t want them to receive only temporary relief.  This causes problems with his boss.

While watching the movie, I became distraught because the acting and the script were so compelling.  I had to remind myself that it was just a movie.  I could relate to the main character's desire to build lasting, genuine, healthy relationships, even when his employer didn't allow it, because the company offered only limited-time fill-in familial roles.

Hired friend

Years ago, on our honeymoon in Oahu, Hawaii, we spent a day at the Polynesian Cultural Center, which offers a variety of shows highlighting the cultures of the Pacific islands. Because we wanted the best experience possible, we purchased the highest level of admission, which included guaranteed front row seating at all shows, and a personal (just for us) hired friend through the day.

I expected the experience to be uncomfortable. But was I wrong! This guy instantly made us feel like we were his best friends. He appeared to be genuinely interested in everything about us and laughed at our jokes. He showed us all the secret ways to see everything in the shortest amount of time. After seating us in the front row of each show, he somehow disappeared. And when each show ended, he mysteriously reappeared. I had never experienced anything like him before or since.

By some miraculous power, my mind could not believe that his friendship with us was fictional.

Mickey Mouse, or was it Pluto?

I'm reminded of the time we were at Disney World, walking between the rides, when someone tapped me on my right shoulder. I turned to my right and didn't see anyone, so I turned to my left, expecting to see one of our snickering kids, but was surprised to see the Mickey Mouse and Pluto characters walking away from me, yucking it up about something.

(They're not supposed to talk to visitors. But apparently, they're allowed to speak with each other.)

Boy, did I feel special for the rest of the day!

The point is, it doesn't take much effort on your part to help someone feel special. So, give your readers joy by showing even a moderate amount of friendship between characters.

The last page

My wife has a sister who’s told me she never reads the last page of a novel because she doesn’t want the story to end.  She doesn’t want the friendships she forged with the characters to be taken from her forever.

This is how we want our friends to feel about us and our stories.  I suggest you call one of your friends right now and see a movie with him or her tonight.  You are as important to your friends as they are to you.

Then you can write down what they did or said and include it in your next story.