Hook With Relatability

What is it about certain people that makes you want to be their friend?  Their looks?  Their popularity?  Here is a short list of fictional characters adored by millions of fans for many years.  What common traits do you notice among them? 

• Bilbo

• Laura Petrie

• Lucy Ricardo

• Rocky Balboa

• Luke Skywalker

• Winnie the Pooh

• Rachel (Friends)

• Katniss Everdeen

• Ellen Ripley (Alien)

• Mikey (The Goonies)

• Jim or Pam (The Office)

• Mrs. DeWinter (Rebecca)

• Dorothy (The Wizard of Oz)

• Any character played by Jimmy Stewart

For me to enjoy a book or movie, I need to connect with at least one of the characters.  I’ve never seen the movie Falling Down because I assume I won’t relate to the main character.

How about Nicholas from the movie The Game (1997)?  While I can’t relate to a wealthy CEO, I feel for him in his situation.  If you saw the movie, you’d feel for him, too, unless you're a heartless, uncaring lout.

Resonance

All structures resonate at specific frequencies.  But if a building or bridge is to be placed in an environment with vibrational frequencies between 1 Hz and 100 Hz, the building or bridge must be designed so it doesn't resonate within that range, or it could break apart and collapse.

Musical instruments, on the other hand, are built to resonate continuously for every note. This involves changing the instrument's shape for each note by shortening or lengthening its strings (for stringed instruments) or its tubing (for wind instruments).

The trombone, for example, can produce every note in full resonance because its slide can be positioned anywhere. It has no frets or stops.

My Way

-- Frank Sinatra

Human resonance

What’s the human equivalent of resonance? Could it be relatability? If you can relate to someone, you can connect with them emotionally. You'll understand what they feel. This encourages people to be drawn to each other.

If they can see themselves in your life, you've won.

Walls come down between people when they can relate to each other.  The same condition occurs for both real and fictional experiences.

Readers of The Hobbit feel Bilbo's frustration when uninvited guests enter his comfortable home and start eating his food.  They’re followed by a tall and imposing wizard who begins to say all sorts of important things, leading to his insistence that Bilbo go on a journey with the guests to a faraway place to retrieve riches guarded by a murderous dragon.

While we may not know what it’s like to be a hobbit, we certainly relate to his feelings.

A first date

When people relate to whatever is happening, it becomes easier for them to join in.  Consider the following three steps when having a first date. The same goes for picking up a new novel or joining a group:

1.      Share feelings

2.      Introduce shared stories

3.      Elaborate on shared stories

When you’re on your first date with a person, the first thing you want to do is share emotions.

“What?” you ask.

Here are the three essential steps for a first date:

1. Do what it takes to make yourselves comfortable and relaxed.  You want her to believe she's in the right place with the right person, and that the experience will go well and be successful.  All emotions.

2. The two of you then ask each other introductory questions and provide summary answers, such as, “I work as a...” or “My sister told me all about you, but I'm hoping she’s wrong.”

3. Later, the shared information becomes deeper.  “You said you’re a carriage driver?  Do they still make those?”

The process works the same way, no matter who you meet or what you're doing.

What if, on your first date, the first thing the guy does is talk for twenty minutes about how to perform surgeries with a new kind of knife he invented?  That’s when you tell him,

“Nice knife, but the date is over.”

Good for you.

The same applies at the beginning of novels and movies. The psychology is precisely the same.  No one can handle a surge of information all at once.

Watch the first scene of The Princess Bride, a movie beloved by millions of fans for decades.  Notice the emotionally rich presentation.  Viewers are gently led by the hand into a sweet story at a comfortable pace.

Blink

Everyone should read the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.  The book presents real-life case studies about how quickly people make decisions in various situations.  By the time you finish it, you’ll realize how often you make quick decisions about people and situations without your awareness.

Recall the adages,

Trust your gut.

Listen to your inner voice.

Go with your first impression.

Acceptance

Who doesn't want to be accepted by others? First impressions, although powerful, are fleeting. What's needed afterward is relatability. Relatability is key for engagement as well as for building trust, empathy, and loyalty. If you want to get along with people, you'll need to develop the ability to be relatable.

Understandable = intellectual connection

Relatable = emotional connection

Obtaining acceptance from others is an act of persuasion. Most people don’t realize we all employ persuasion nearly all day long.  Whether we’re at work, with our friends or family, or even out shopping. We are always persuading. This is not a bad thing.

However, it is very difficult to persuade people with whom you can't relate.

Here are three steps to help you be more relatable:

1. Have an understanding of how those around you feel and what their concerns are. Being sensitive to them tells them you care about them.

2. You don’t have to be the center of attention.  Being an upbeat sidekick works just as well.  Light humor also adds some sparkle.

3. Be authentic and vulnerable.  Everyone is on guard to some degree.  If you’re comfortable being heard and seen, they’ll want to do the same and will feel comfortable around you.

So, how about it?  Can we all be friends?

It's the same

Everything discussed in the post applies equally in real life as it does on the page or on the screen. Our emotional selves can't recognize the difference. If you want to be accepted, you need to understand the needs and interests of those around you. Approach their experiences at a pace they're comfortable with.

Give them enough time, and they'll accept you because they've never met anyone like you. But just so you know, if you write your stories well enough, your friends won't have time for you because they'll spend all their free time reading your books.

Even authors can't have everything. That's something most people can relate to.