Three Most Important Words In Marriage


They say truth is simpler than error. And they say it's easier to understand. I agree with both assertions based on my decades of experience upon this Earth.

Most of the mathematics I've used in my engineering career haven't gone beyond multiplication and division. I use the hard stuff only when absolutely necessary. Rarely are complex engineering designs stronger, more reliable, or easier maintain than their simpler counterparts.

So, don’t dismiss the following because of its simple plainness.

Three most important words in marriage

What are the three most important words in marriage? Most people think of the phrases, “I love you,” “You are right,” or “Please, forgive me.” These are great words that should be used often. But, they’re not the most important.

I proclaim that the three most important words in marriage are


“No big deal.”

  • When your spouse doesn’t do the dishes the way you do, it’s no big deal.

  • When your spouse doesn’t buy that item on sale, it’s no big deal.

  • When the house isn’t quite clean enough, it’s no big deal.

  • When your spouse doesn’t talk to your children the way you do, it’s no big deal.

  • And so on...

If you make such situations a big deal, then what you’re really saying to your spouse is, “What I feel or think is more important than what you feel or think.” Such is the very definition of contempt. Do you want to have contempt for your spouse?


Don't abuse them

Every human being on Earth understands the Biblical phrases, “Love they neighbor,” and “Follow me.” This is fine. But where people get it wrong is when they attempt to impose those principles on other people by force or coercion.

The same applies to the three most important words in marriage.

The principle applies in only one direction:


Correct: “I will do my best not to make my spouse’s actions a big deal to me.”

Incorrect: “Honey, do the laundry because it’s no big deal.”


The phrase applies only to how I should react to my spouse, not how my spouse should react to me.


One-track mind

It's commonly said that men have a one-track mind. Women often claim they're better at multitasking then men. These are cute thoughts that produce countless jokes, but neither assertion is true. Read any reputable study done on multitasking and you'll learn that there is no such thing. Male brains are not wired to focus on one thing any more than female brains.


It's true, however, that whoever is the main breadwinner of the family--whether male or female--is going to have more of a one-track-mind.


Picture a mother during pre-historic times. A hundred things are going on at once in that cave with her seven children. It would be beneficial for the family if the mother had a reasonable awareness of all those issues. This is a good thing.


Conversely, the father is out with a spear trying to fight off a saber-toothed tiger. While he's aiming his spear, it wouldn't be good for him to also be thinking about the laundry or the upcoming sale at Glug's Groceries.


It's not physiology, but rather the roles we take upon ourselves that make us different. Wives who are the family's main breadwinner are going to be more singularly focused than their husbands, and that is okay.


We're not the same

For whatever the reasons, we're not all the same under all conditions. We must not expect our spouse to be just like we are. He or she is going to be different than you--and this is a good thing. Let your spouse be who he or she is, while your spouse lets you be who you are.


This doesn't excuse irresponsibility or insensitivity. This doesn't give license to stop communicating, or to stop contributing to the relationship or to the family. It means that if you allow your spose to be his or her best self, your going to get a better spouse than if you try to turn him or her into you.


Follow this council and you won’t often hear the words, “You don’t know how I feel.” Wouldn’t that be nice? And, if you're really lucky, you'll get better treats after dinner.

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